'little lion man'

nathan steven usher is so hilar'. i just laugh so hard sometimes i think i may vomit and it's such a good feeling even though it has the word vomit in it.  i'm really good at documenting his life. i always whip out my iphone v. cam and film him like he is a movie star.  I have liked to keep it on the DL because if he got discovered I wouldn't have him all to myself. but sometimes pics just don't do the boy justice. i wish i had a video of his drop-it-like-its-hot-move but this vid of him flipping an omelet, for the first time in all of his ancient life, is my all time fav. (mostly because of his "proudest moment of my life" face at the end. you'd think he was holding up his first born son)

yep... skillZ.

nate made fun of his mom once for falling and getting a black eye and his coordination has been downhill since. he's fallen twice with me and  both times landed flat on his face because his hands were in his pockets. he is a tall giant so it makes it twice as funny as an average sized male and i bust up laughing every time. i'm super weird around him and he still likes me and i never ever let him take naps because i just poke him so he'll play with me instead of sleep. ( i hate napping) he says it drives him crazy but i know he actually loves it. 

anyways, i have a lot of hilar' vids of us doing all of the above but I don't want to build you up too much when you read this just to bring you crashing down when I tell you we broke up. it's true. he's the sweetest/hottest/hilar' guy ever and I couldn't commit. sometimes I just feel like a kid and want to play for the rest of my life. I am so in love with this man and feel bad that I tricked him into being my best accessory for so long and then bailed because i got scared. I wish I could think of something terrible to say about him so he doesn't get snatched up real quick and break my heart even more but I can't think of anything right now. lucky me for having him as my lovebird for the past year.

I know what some of you are thinking, BIG fail aubrey. grow up and marry the man, you are twenty two and twenty two is not that young! well to me it is. and I believe our lives are what we make them and right this very minute I'm not ready to make that choice. i guess I'll just be sad.

so that's my update. that's what's been going on.  he sang me a improv break up song on his guitar and i secretly videoed that too but i hold it too dear to  my heart to post. (it will  make you laugh. it will make you cry) I've been doing lots of taking cabs to work so I don't have to sit by strangers in the mornings, listening to mumford and sons, eating king size kit kats in one sittings, and today I made myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich convinced it would cheer me up but then I just ended up with crumbs in my bed and an ugly cry face.

im so sad you'd think the bachelor just sent me home and then at the girls tell all reunion show the girls ganged up on me and told me I was a bad mother! (brats) but that didn't really happen, me and my bf just broke up and I am human so I am sad. having sad days and trying to make sure I didn't make a gi-normous mistake by letting him slip through my fingers instead of letting him put a ring on my finger. I've been worrying about what if i made the biggest mistake of my life and wonder what a tragedy it would be if I one day pop a kid out and it looks just like nate! my baby's daddy would be so confused and then I would know for sure I messed up because my kids were created in heaven with the right guy and then i made a MISTAKE and chose the wrong lover and God sent them to me anyways since they were already made! ah tragedy!

(i know that doesn't really happen) but the thought did linger in my brain a little longer than i would have liked. we would have made hot super model children (does everyone think that before they reproduce?) who knows! maybe this world will spin around and we'll be meant to be! just in another season. until then i'm the new loner who is missing her best friend.