a mention+making it big in the city

if you flip open to somewhere in the middle of this months october InSTYLE you'll find a list of the top salons in the states. my salon is the one listed under manhattan's. and because i am one of the colorists at a salon that got recognized as the best in a national magazine, it makes me feel kind of (really) happy inside. hoo-rah for living a dream!

genius boy+the love of my life

(the blank was being filled by too many of the wrong words)

unless you are james franco. whom i would always welcome to spoon in my bed and whom i also have dreamt about two nights in a row... and that is definitely foretelling.

eye goo+no regrets

"Maybe mistakes are what make our fate...without them what would shape our lives? Maybe if we had never veered off course we wouldn't fall in love, have babies, or be who we are. After all, things change, so do cities, people come into your life and they go. But it's comforting to know that the ones you love are always in your heart...and if you're very lucky, a plane ride away." -CB

i had an eye infection last week. it was a little goopy and red and not annoying at all (but it really was annoying and thats my annoyed face photographed) the doctor said i would pass the infection if i went to work so i got sent home and had to stay the next one too. so i did what any person would do, i ignored my lengthy to-do list and just relaxed. and i  missed being in vegas. i wished they would've diagnosed me one day earlier before i boarded that red-eye flight back so i could be there again,  sitting on the tennis court with lights strung up high above us. lighting up the sky just enough so we  could sit in a circle and laugh at funny stories of the past or what the unknown our futures may bring. mostly just enjoying being there. together. and i wondered if it was all a mistake. me moving to new york city and chasing all my wild dreams. because i missed my dear family right then. and then that got my thoughts really reeling... what if it was a mistake? and if it was then what else was a mistake too?


bumble+bumble. riverside drive. all the red eye flights. being blond. that pricey pair of heels. recovery. moving more than a neighbor away.  paddling out to the middle of the lake under the stars. was it too soon? handwritten poetry and a second chance. omelets and hummus. space. maybe it'd be a mistake to leave my career one day to start a family. or stay inside on a rainy day and watch movies instead of worrying about being responsible and getting things done. i could wonder my life away and question it all...


but that just seems silly. and i just can not help but think that none of it has been a mistake anyway. because, i would not take any of it back. and is that what mistake means? you wish you had a giant eraser to scrub it out of your life with? i guess you can call moments like that mistakes, it's all in how you look at it maybe?  i think what i have decided is that if i have made any mistake in my life, it has been living. to the very fullest. blindly  just jumping into it with faith and a sprinkle of adrenaline; not knowing where i will land.  all of those mistakes, they have made me who i am. and i do not have any regrets. 


it does not mean that i have always landed on a pile of clouds and sunshine... sometimes when you jump into the unknown, you find yourself in some really painful flower bushes. the ones with long stems and lots of thorns that florists charge a lot for. and the ones that stick in your side and make it hard to breathe. but i have learned that if you stay there for too long feeling sorry for yourself they just start to cut you even more. so you just tilt your head up to where the flower blooms up top and you sit on that for a while and appreciate that big leap and how good it felt along the way. and all the really great things you learned. soon enough, that is all that is left to see of that rose bush- all the pretty petals and the sweet scent it gives off. and that is what pushes you along to your next adventure... this time you're even stronger than before, and you can leap a little further into bigger dreams and better adventures or just one where you better belong.


because life is too short to be one of those people that let fear paralyze them into a stalemate. into a life where they are left wishing they would have, could have,  and realizing they missed out once it's too far gone. tip toeing along may eventually lead you to something happy, but why settle for that when you can take a chance at something incredible?


at the end of the day or through all my mistakes, and all this rambling- i know one thing is certain:
it's comforting to know that the ones i love are always in my heart... and because i am very lucky, a plane ride away. 

VW + a sold out show

we went to VAMPIRE WEEKEND yesterday. 

it was a real real really good time. 

i like it when the bass i so loud it echoes in your chest. 

i like it when you dance dance dance around. 

i like it, singing along with the crowd.

 + bouncing up and down.

i really just think going to live shows will always be a major like/love of mine. 

and i like that too.

a red bicycle+growing up

i moved. and the cable company is booked out four weeks in advance... who knew?! cable is so in right now. and that's why i have not blogged. 

my couch is so in right now... in my apartment. i ordered the most precious couch i'd ever laid eyes on and after a couple attempts to deliver it without me being there, they finally carried it up two flights of stairs to my cozy apartment annnnd (drumroll) it wouldn't fit through the door. 

i have been praying a lot lately. i love praying, i always have. but i have been praying alot alot (maybe even triple alot) lately and when i came home and the couch was sitting outside my door i walked right past it and kneeled on my floor and gave quite possibly the silliest prayer of my life: 

"dear God, please make this couch fit. i know that this is silly. i know that this does not matter and that i can find a new couch, but it has been a crummy week and i really just want a place to sit. a cute place to sit. when things got crummy for Job he still had faith. i would still have faith. i promise. and i still would really love for a miracle to happen. i would really like for this couch to fit through my front door.  and God, i love you. and i know that i am blessed and even though it has been a crummy week, it's still not as crummy as Job's- it just feels like it. thank you, Aubrey"

then my friend came over and he unscrewed that door and we twisted the couch and, it fit. and i closed my eyes and said "thank you."

i have so many things to be thankful for. especially lately. it's funny, sometimes life gets so busy and crazy and it all kind of dumps on you and you think for a quick minute that life sucks. and then you cry some and pray some and you wake up the very next day and you realize how extremely blessed you are. 

i realized today how much more this life is than the things i sometimes get caught up and lost in. we got a new bishopric and he bore his testimony. he won us over with his humor and humility as he told us his thoughts of accepting his call and then he mentioned his wife. he told us was not hard to spot if we wanted to find her, she was simply the most beautiful one in the whole room. and then he wiped tears from his eyes as he looked over at her. he adored her. he went on and bore a powerful testimony and then afterwards the stake president got up and made sure we knew the sacrifice this man was making by taking this calling. he works for a major bank and travels the world as a top executive in their company and has been busy with the rise and fall of the economy. he said the night our new bishop received his call he had just flown in from a long business trip in brazil and was tired. and then he told us that the only time through in the conversation they had that evening where the new bishop showed any sign of disappointment was when the stake president mentioned that he would not be releasing his wife as the stake relief society president of our manhattan stake. when he went on to tell us how this new bishop expressed his concern of missing his wife and being able to spend time with her, he made it known to us that this was a sacrifice, and i was grateful. and i knew life did not suck.

it doesn't and it never will. it's all in how you accept your trials, hopefully with grace. and i look forward to a life full of experiences and trials and opportunities. especially to sacrifice and with someone by my side that adores me. i love love. 

i know that sometime i seem to be such a hater. but i am not. my parents divorce is yuck and sad and it's okay, i still know i can find a love that will last forever. and it will be the very sweetest thing too. (even better than a couch fitting through a small new york city apartment door.)

sometimes... life flips us upside down and shakes us a lot and really knocks you on the head so we will just pay attention! my goodness i thought to myself the other day, aubrey you can be so stubborn! i am grateful for the times when we lose things because when we find them again we really have such a greater appreciation for them. 

i am always losing my keys! serioulsy, it's ridiculous. but once it happened at not such an opportune moment and a dear friend told me 'aubrey every time you leave the house just think to yourself, do i have my keys' and i laughed and thought 'oh if it were only that simple!' but- it is, and i haven't lost my keys in what i'd like to think, is a long time. every once in a while i need to be reminded to grab them on my way out, but when i rummage through my bag at the end of a long day at work, i am always so happy and relieved to stumble upon them! 

and that's what i am learning. that sometimes losing things is a good thing. even if it's just a few seconds i spend worrying digging through my bag, i am always happy to find them there. and on the days i don't lose them, when they are just right there where i put them; i have learned to appreciate them on those days too. i lost my gold bracelet once. the one that is delicate and buckles in the center. it only took me losing it once for me to appreciate it every time i wanted to wear it. 

i love my life and everything it brings me. i am grateful for trials, even though they are hard; they are good and if we allow them to, we can learn and they will make us stronger and help us to grow. that's all. quite wordy for such a simple statement but it's been a while. i turned twenty two a little bit ago and it was a really good one. i have a feeling this is going to be the best year yet...

(and i over punctuate. i know that too.)